i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
