ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i think i have two assholes
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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