There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
