I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
