So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Someone shattered a urinal.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
