Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
