My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
