He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
