Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
