I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.