i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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