Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals