You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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