He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
