You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
