sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
