Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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