Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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