Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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