If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have aggressive nipples.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
