i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
