He felt like a one man threesome
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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