I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
