Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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