Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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