No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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