i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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