Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
