Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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