I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
