Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it glows. i had to have it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
