There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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