well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
soo... how was my night?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
