All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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