Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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