you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Randomize
