I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
