eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
