i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
