oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
