She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
