i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
