I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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