just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
