Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
