I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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