Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
