I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
