So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
