UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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