I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?