When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!