my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
