If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
worst night to have a conscience
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
