you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
