I never want to see another naked old woman again.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
