if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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