I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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