My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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