the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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