i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
