you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
