Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
