We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
this hospital has no fireball
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
