I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
third nipple confirmed
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
