By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
