It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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