Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
