Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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