Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
