Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
