Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
