god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I CAN MOONWALK!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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