If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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