some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
