she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i came on her dog
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
