I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
