Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
