I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
