I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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